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Dealing with ageism in a superficial world!
This year marks my 4th decade being alive on this earth. Where did the time go? It seems like it was only yesterday when I was still in my growing-up years, playing on the playground, going swimming on a summer day with friends during my pre-teen years. Now I'm going on my 40th year. And as you undergo some changes in your life due to age, you'll also experience a difference in the treatment of others. No joke!
Funny how superficial the world is. The moment you find yourself being treated with less dignity and respect because you are an aged woman who is past 35 and don’t look 17 anymore, for most women my age this is a difficult thing to come to terms with.
You will be treated differently. You will be looked down on by some, even spoken down to as if you are less of a person. Expect it. It’s the sad state of our world.
As women, we are not allowed to age. We are not allowed to get older. We are expected to look 17 past our 20s. So it's no wonder that so many younger women are afraid of aging and don't feel like they have anything to look forward to in the future.
Meanwhile, we also have health and beauty companies that gear their adverts towards us to take advantage of women's insecurities.
There are real scams out there, and yet women my age keep throwing their money down the drain. Because they are searching for what will work and what will help slow down their aging. Most creams are complete scams. And make-up only does so much for your face once you hit a certain age.
Meanwhile, we are told we shouldn’t worry about our looks because that is just ridiculous and stupid. Because “women are stupid” for being concerned. And I say: the world can go kick rocks with their unrealistic standards for older women!
The world's unrealistic expectations for women
So if this rant makes sense to any of you women over 35 out there, I want you to know, that you are not alone. And I’m tired of the disrespect and the difference in treatment from others. Sadly, we are living in a society and a culture where youth is valued over age and the wisdom that comes with experience. It’s really sad to me.
Yet women are pointed out as having 'unrealistic expectations', and yeah; some of us do. But I don't know of anyone who has more unicorns, fairy tales, and unrealistic expectations of the opposite sex than worldly men. Even, in some instances; in the church.
Again, some women do expect a man to be 6 ft tall make six figures, and have a 6-pack abs, which is unrealistic for most men. But who doesn't know at least 10 dudes who already fit into that category? All you have to do is have a good job and some good genetics and you're all set. But what do most worldly men expect of a woman?
She has to be a virgin, yet she has to be a freak. She has to pay half the bills, yet she has to do 100% of the cleaning, cooking, and child-rearing. She has to be exhausted from all of that topping a full-time job and still meet the man's physical needs. She's also expected to get a good night's rest, but also wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the babies, or in case the husband needs something. She also has to give birth to the babies because the legacy needs to live on, right? But she's not allowed to have those stretch marks and she MUST lose that baby weight in 30 days or less. And then she has to do it while fighting postpartum depression by herself because we'll be told, that if we object to this we have some type of attitude. Also, she can get older, but she can't look older. Otherwise, she'll be "falling off". The list goes on.
So let me ask you men something. How many women do you know fall under that category? Because I sure don't know of any. So who really has those unrealistic expectations?
I rebuke this lie. This lie that tells women that they are not beautiful just because they didn't look like they did when they were 20!
I'm saddened by how many Christians and so-called "conservatives" follow red-pilled people like Andrew Tate @Cobratate and Pearl @pearlythings; who hold this worldview of women. Some of them have upheld people like this as an example of somebody to be followed. Let's Compare 5 of worldly Red Pilled teachings vs what the scriptures teach about women.
The Red Pill Movement constantly devalues women, reducing women's worth to what they look like, their age, and their sex appeal. But Proverbs 31:30 states: "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."
The Red Pill Movement constantly encourages men to cheat on their wives/girlfriends, and in his opinion; women should just accept that as a reality. But Hebrews 13:4 says: "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." We clearly see this with King David in the OT. God did not make an exception for him because he was a monarch or even because he was a man after God's own heart. His adultery caused severe consequences that affected his entire family and future generations.
The Red Pill Movement has thought leaders who constantly brag about all of the dozens of women they could sleep with and even brag about the fact that they have deceived them and exploited them for money. But 1 Timothy 5:2: "Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters."
The Red Pill Movement has thought leaders that brag about hitting women, calling them names, ordering them around as if they are slaves, and mocking their thoughts, words, feelings, and dreams. But what does the Bible say about how a man should treat his wife? 1 Peter 3:7 states: "Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
Ironically, but not so ironically; The Red Pill Movement condemns women who are non-virgins calls them "used goods" and treats them as if they are worthless trash because of their past. That is the complete opposite of how Jesus treated women in the Bible. In John 8:11, a woman was caught in the act of adultery and the men condemned her and even wanted to see her stoned: But Jesus stated "He who has not sinned, let him cast the first stone." One by one they dropped their stones and walked away. Then he turned to her and asked her, "Woman, where are your accusers?" She said, "No man, Lord". And Jesus said unto her, "Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more." We also see a beautiful story of the redemption of the woman, Rahab the harlot, in the OT. She was a prostitute, but she changed her life, put her faith in God, got married, and ended up being in the lineage of Jesus Christ.
So, I truly hope any Christians and conservatives do not fall into the trap of adopting these worldly Red Pill ideologies that are contrary to scripture. Please reconsider your support of people like Andrew Tate who support these ideas.
One thing is for sure I don’t regret the years I’ve lived and the experiences I’ve had in life. I’m done being a people pleaser and expecting kindness in return for those I show kindness to. This is the sad state of our world. And Jesus is the only cure for it!
For the young who are under 40:
Getting old may be a privilege denied to many, but it’s also a curse. At least, that is what we've been told. However, even the scriptures tell us to remember our creator in the days of our youth before we grow old and no longer enjoy living. Why is this true?
And the saddest part about getting older is that no one can see that you’re still young on the inside.
I’m not old yet, and I will make the most out of what years I have left to be young. So why waste them on petty things that don’t matter? I am done spending my wills on things that won’t matter in the end, and that includes everything the world has to offer (worldly lusts & the pride of life). In this world, there are so many things that will try to distract you from your dream or purpose. Focus on your dreams, not someone else’s.
Remember your creator in the days of your youth, while those evil days come not, nor the years draw near when you will say, “I have no pleasure in them.” When the clouds and the sky and the moon be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain."
-Eccl 12:1
That purpose the creator bestowed on you is all that matters. So if you’re feeling down about not measuring up to the world’s standard of value, being pretty, young, having wealth, or the best of everything, just remember that human perfection is unrealistic. Never measure yourself with unrealistic expectations. Remember that your worth is not based on your youth, how much money you have, how pretty you are in the world’s eyes, your traits, or how others may perceive you. Those things are temporary and will fade.
Your worth is based on one thing, your creator and his purpose. So, remember him now, while you are still young.
THE book of Ecclesiastes is attributed to King Solomon as its author. He tested life and at the end concluded that all is but vanity upon vanity.
Ecclesiastes 11:10
"Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, And put away evil from your flesh, For childhood and youth are vanity."
My best advice to young women is to place their value on that which is eternal (wisdom, knowledge, and the internal adornment which is imperishable) over temporary value (physical youth and physical beauty).
For those who are 40 and over:
When I came to realize how this world viewed older women who are past their prime, it enraged me!
This is the die-hard honest heartbreaking truth! Every day I see posts by people like this who are in their twenties, viewing older women as used up, less attractive, and less valuable goods.
Ah, the classic "I only care about people who are young and attractive" approach. How refreshing.
No wonder younger women are so terrified of aging! These women are slathering on anti-aging creams, giving each other advice on how to avoid wrinkles. They are trying to do everything they can now in order to avoid being here, where I am, at 40. If you're alive right now, you're going to find yourself here at some point. That is if you are lucky. These are people in their 20s who are just at the beginning of their adulthood!
What kind of society have we created where young people have nothing to look forward to? Aging is terrifying, especially if you're a woman. You're no longer "beautiful", "relevant" "important" or "valuable" according to society's standards. You have to make loads of money to be "happy" in a world where approximately 12 people own all of the wealth. No one with power or resources is taking any responsibility for what's happening to our planet. And everyone who is under the age of 30 is trying not to get old. And everyone over 30 is trying to look younger. We have to change this messaging! The world has it backward, as they do everything else.
We live in a society where we revere people who have accumulated things and money and we despise people who have accumulated experience and wisdom and knowledge. Getting older should be something that you can look forward to. Because your value and your contributions to society increase as you age. You have more to offer!
You have a lot more to offer! And that is beautiful! Not what your skin looks like! We have a lot of work to do!
((But Sonya, the thought of me getting wrinkles is terrifying to me. It's honestly sad but I'm working on not being afraid of that.))
I understand. We are all afraid of getting older. It is scary for all of us. And that is because we are all told the same thing. We're all getting the same messages: that we lose things: that we get less than as we get older.
Could you imagine growing up being told your whole life that you only got more powerful as you got older? And wrinkles, the way your face looked, how your skin looked, or the size and shape of your body didn't even enter into the conversation? Imagine if you were always told that you only got more influential, that your best years started at the age of 40! Because you've lived more! That you only became more and more desirable because you know more things, that emotional depth and a deeper spiritual connection made you irresistible. Wouldn't that be amazing? How would that change your outlook on things? How would that change the way you viewed getting older?
If you change the way that you look at things, the things that you look at change. Change your perspective, change your life!
To younger women who criticize women over 40!
Women like Pearl @pearlythings on Twitter heavily criticized older women past 30:
((You over 40 women do not need to be wearing pigtails, or side ponytails.))
Okay, little sis! Big sis checking in. The almost 40-year-old big sis, just to be clear. Now, I know I don't wear side ponytails, or pigtails, baby hairs, or buns, or anything. But I do have some wisdom I want to share with you. Because I get a lot of flack about my hair. I know you're too young to know what you don't know. So I'm going to take you to school, okay? Pay attention.
You don't have the experience behind you yet to understand that when you reach a certain point in life you no longer give a care in the world what people think about you. That right there, baby girl; is magic! You wear what you want, look how you want, act how you want, say what you want, and wear your hair however the heck you want!
And do you know why? Because you can! You earned that privilege! I know you're too young to appreciate that. You're still living on society's belief system. The value system that taught you how a woman is supposed to behave her entire life. But let me tell you what: when you get to be a certain age, you say "screw that belief system" and kick that little box to the curb. And someday, you're going to appreciate that.
Oh, and one more thing before I bring this to a close. Woman to woman: stop putting other women down. Don't judge them hypocritically by telling them that you don't respect them because they don't meet your expectations, or society's expectations. We got to stick together! There is enough nonsense out there working against us. We don't need to turn on each other. And ageism especially for women is the enemy!
Being young is only temporary. But growing old: that's a gift!
No, I'm not 20 anymore. I don't need you to try to make me feel insecure. For I'm better and wiser from all of the years I've lived through.
No, I'm not 20 anymore. The lines on my face weren't there before. But I'm aging like wine. I'm getting better with time. One thing is for sure, I don't want to be 20 anymore.
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Aging and Death are frightening, but they're part of the Natural Order, and Nature has a balanced Wisdom that far exceeds the understanding of mankind. It's okay to get older.
-Luke Mason
The pitiful nature of men online who find nothing better to do than leave shallow commentaries on the internet about women is telling. I mean do you, as a woman; tell random men you don't like how they look, they're aging out, or you're afraid they're gonna hit a wall?
-Nik Clay