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God made you in a specific way for a specific audience.
My husband shared this Instagram video with me to lift my spirit. It states:
God, why didn't you make me look like them?
God says:
Oh, my precious daughter, look outside. It took me less than a week to create all of that, and an entire nine months to create you. You are exactly as I designed you. My beautiful daughter, I love you!
It’s a beautiful reminder: God made only one of you, and you were created perfectly.
However, I couldn't help but think about that beautiful redhead/blonde presented in the video, the one who was 'insecure' with her looks. "It must be so hard being a part of that group with the biggest publicity. It must be even more challenging to reflect what this world calls perfection." I thought. Me? Not so much!
Maybe that is all we see when we are provoked to envy! Ouch! ((Why God? Why didn't you make me like her???)) So, how do we overcome this? Read on.
Let’s also be real about the struggle. There’s a lot of dishonesty around the standards the world imposes on women. If you fit this world’s idea of ‘perfection,’ can you truly relate to the challenges so many others face? The reality is that countless women are affected by colorism, ageism, looked down on for health issues that lead to weight gain and infertility, or simply being labeled as ‘unattractive’ or ‘average.’ Even some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen!
There is no doubt the girl in this video embodies the beauty standard society constantly promotes, and it’s evident in the comments. But what about the rest of us who don’t fit that mold?
We need to acknowledge the real struggles and not let these narrow standards define our worth.
The Dishonesty of Worldly Standards
In today’s world, the struggle to fit into society’s narrow standards of beauty is something many women face.
Whether it’s the pressure to have a certain body type, skin/hair/eye color, or hair type, the expectations are relentless. This struggle often leads us to question ourselves and even question God, asking, “Why didn’t You make me like the others?”
But let’s pause and reflect on a truth we often forget:
God made only one of you, and you were created perfectly.
This isn’t just a comforting thought—it’s a reality rooted in the very essence of our creation. The Bible tells us in Psalm 139:14, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." This means that every detail of who you are was crafted with purpose and care, by a Creator who knows you intimately.
These worldly beauty standards are dishonest and damaging. They create a false sense of value based on appearance rather than character, leading many to feel inadequate or less worthy. The girl in the Instagram video, a stunning blonde/redhead who embodies society’s beauty ideal, is praised in the comments. Yet, I have found that even she is not immune to criticism. This highlights a critical point:
No matter how closely someone aligns with these so-called ideals, they too are subjected to the same harsh scrutiny.
And if you don't realize this, look at the things THEY struggle with.
The Real Struggle and the Attack on Beauty Standards
It’s not just those who don’t fit the mold who suffer.
Today, what is hyped among the trad community? She has to be a debt free virgin with no tattoos. She can have little to no make-up. She has to be young, thin, and in shape. I was ALL of those things and more. Yet I was single for what seemed to be forever. I felt incredibly invisible among these guys who were into "traditional women". My question was, "What do people want?" I was so confused. And being surrounded by other traditional women who were usually picked before me, I felt like the last kid being picked for a sports team. Why weren't any of the good men looking my way?
Here is also the kicker: When my future husband did come around, I discovered the reason why I was overlooked to such a degree. (("Are you sure she's the one? She's slow,")) or (("She's incredibly stupid. Why would you want her?")) How disrespectful!
I am making the right decisions for myself by giving my life over to Jesus, conducting myself properly, and living my life differently. For which of those reasons am I stupid? Oh, because I didn't know what they knew or had social problems? Could they consider the fact I was relentlessly bullied and had a hard time connecting with people? Of course not! How could they have known that when they never even had a conversation with me? Instead, they judged me even without even knowing me. And all the while trying to discourage the one who was willing to give me a chance when they never did! How incredibly hurtful it was to find out about this! The discrediting, the tearing down, the gossip! In the church of all places!!!
This is why I say, it isn't just those who don't fit the mold that suffer. The women who do exude these beauty standards are also under attack. I know this by experience. Because the very people who promote these standards are often the ones who are the quickest to tear them down. It’s a twisted cycle where the ideal is upheld, yet never truly attainable or sustainable.
The world’s standards are fickle, and no one, not even those who seem to have it all, are spared from its judgment.
As believers, we are called to something higher. Romans 12:2 advises, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This is a powerful reminder that our worth is not determined by how well we fit into society’s mold, but by our relationship with God and the unique purpose He has for each of us.
It's All About Audience!
So now let's talk about how to overcome envy. This human emotion is something we all experience at some point. And it all starts when we compare ourselves to others.
For example: Here is a struggle I was faced with.
((Why do they celebrate the redheads while they overlook us to such an extent?))
By whom? THEIR audience?
That is like asking: "Why do they admire Classic Rock while overlooking EDM to such an extent?" It's all about audience, folks. Always remember that. And in this, you've got to know your audience.
This is something I have learned in music. It's why we have so many different music genres and cultures that surround those music scenes. People have different tastes in music and are attracted to certain aesthetics while others may be attracted to different styles of music and aesthetics.
Mine just so happens to be on the retro side. What comes to your mind when listening to my music?
And who are the people who are fans of synthwave 80s and 90s genres? If that is my vibe, why would I want to market myself to classic rock fans?
This is why it is so important to know your audience. This is why it is so important to stop trying to fit into a mold you were never meant to fit into.
((They are more popular, it seems. Look at the crowds.))
So it seems. Some music or aesthetics may have a larger crowd than others. Thats ok. Often, having a smaller audience means having a more dedicated one!
The only ones you have to focus on is YOUR audience. God made you in a specific way for a specific audience.
You never have to worry about people who are not your audience. They will never come to you anyway. When you give off your unique vibration you will begin to attract the right people who vibe with you, your people, YOUR audience. ((But it seems that I have received nothing but hate and criticism.))
Even if they are confused supporters coming to you in the form of haters, even if they choose to judge you, don't you think there is a reason why they are there? You have to know they are getting something out of your message whether they acknowledge it or not.
The only thing you need to focus on is doing what you do best! You don't have any control over how they receive your message. That's none of your business! Just do what you do, so your audience (the ones who will vibe with it) are introduced to it and will greatly benefit from it.
((I feel so invisible. They don't see my value.))
Stop trying to 'prove' your value to them! Prove it to yourself! And don't ever be desirous of anyone else's attention.
They are making you chase their approval! You don't get down on your knees and beg people, who are not your audience, for their attention! You don't need it from them!
If anything, you make them beg for yours! You grow up on them and find your value in the one who created you to be unique and prized! And the right people will see you! Remember, those who are a part of your audience and confused supporters will get what they choose to get from what you present to them. That's out of your control. Therefore, it is none of your business!
((I have only a couple thousand followers on social media. Why? What I have to say is just as important is what everyone else has to say, right?))
Know that your worth isn't measured by the number of followers you have or how many people know your name.
Remember, truth-tellers and the honest ones aren't always the most popular. Don't chase popularity. Be real. Be unique. The world only has one you.
Also, know that you don't have to have millions of fans to be successful. Although that is true, having very few followers that engage with you can be very frustrating when you are trying to reach an audience. Getting discovered, organically; is often like winning the lottery. It doesn't happen very often.
And when it does, it is unexpected. So how do you get more exposure to your audience? Consider the ways you can get yourself out there without having millions of followers on social media. Click on the button below to find out more!
Understanding from the logical viewpoint
((I understand that from a logical viewpoint.))
Do you really? Understanding means it is in your bones and every fiber of your being. It will show in your actions, it will show in your behavior. This isn't separated from a logical understanding. If you're not doing it, you don't get it. Just do it! See what I mean! It will be worth the effort.
((How do I manage the feelings of fear that come up inside of me due to societal pressures?))
I just told you! You are making something your business that's none of your business. So stop making it your business and there will be nothing to be afraid of! You are creating a measuring stick that has no business existing!
You can't compare yourself to anyone else because you're unique!
And no one else, whether they think they can or not, can make that comparison for you. They have no way of knowing what your life is about. So, you need to stop paying attention to things that are not your business to pay attention to and you will stop being afraid.
((It must also be coming from the negative beliefs I have about myself that are triggered by the situation.))
Of course! What do you think I've been talking about all this time? You are making things your business that are not your business. That comes from the negative views you have about yourself. Acknowledge it and let it go.
((So, how do I dig for those to help uproot them?))
I just told you! You are under the assumption that you have to do something other than understand what I just told you! Understanding, really wrapping your mind around what I just told you is sufficient enough.
"We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they show their ignorance."
-2 Corinthians 10:12
And what is the revelation?
Our worth isn't based on what we have or what we don't have.
It's not your business to prove your worth based on any given measure by the world. Stop thinking that there is anything else to it.
Now apply this to your individual qualities. Just do what you do to reach your audience. That's what you need to focus on. Nothing else is your business. Wrap your mind around that and you will go places!
((Ok, I think I just need to go try it.))
Don't try it. You just need to go it!!
Overcoming The Worldly Demand For Conformity
So, how do we overcome these worldly standards? It starts with understanding that our true worth comes from God, not from the opinions of others. We need to reject the lies that tell us we are not enough and embrace the truth of our identity in Christ. Galatians 1:10 asks, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Our focus should be on pleasing God, not the ever-changing standards of this world.
We must also support each other in this journey. Instead of comparing ourselves or tearing each other down, let’s build each other up. Let’s remind each other of our worth and encourage one another to see ourselves through God’s eyes.
((I can wrap my mind around this, but what about my heart?))
Change your focus! It's all about focus. Are you focusing on Jesus and his purpose? Are you focusing on reaching your audience or gaining the approval of everyone, which you will not accomplish? It would be a healthy thing for you to stop focusing on the people who don't like you, people who don't support you, people who don't see your worth, and with their best word; want to put hate on you. Seek to please God, not men.
((I struggle with hating my hair and physical appearance. What do I do?))
Change the way you look at it. You will always see yourself as "less when" looking through the eyes of someone who could care less about you. Focus on Jesus and his word. Focus on HIS standard of beauty: the inner adornment which is imperishable!
If the praise and approval of men is what you seek, it will leave you feeling empty. Because even the praise of men can wax old, become boring, and uninteresting.
The Flattery of Men is a Trap.
The praise of men is a destructive trap. You can never please everyone all the time. The only one we should all be concerned about pleasing is God, all the time. Stay true to His purpose.
Conclusion
The struggle with worldly standards of beauty is real, and it affects us all in different ways. Whether you fit society’s ideal or not, the pressure is undeniable. But remember, these standards are not the measure of your worth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, created with a unique purpose by our loving creator. So, let’s stop asking, “Why didn’t You make me like the others?” and start embracing who we are in Christ. And let’s stand together, encouraging one another to rise above the lies of this world and walk confidently in the truth of who God says we are.
Quit trying to fit into the world. Just be yourself. Because what is the use in trying to fit into a world that doesn't even love you anyway?
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